Thirty Days of Kink - My Pen is Bent!?

(by Phil_Parker on Flickr)

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

It all began with a pen...


I started exploring my late adulthood sexuality via the 101 Nights books. Later, I discovered a community where I could broaden my horizons writing fantasy and erotica. There I met and fell in love with a sweet, growly bear of a Finnish man I'll call Karhu, here. He's the one who introduced me to the D/s dynamic, and allowed me to explore both mentally and emotionally my submissive and kinky side. Karhu and I are still very close, though the time difference between us is nearly ten hours, and staying connected is hard.


In Karhu I discovered the strength and hunger that I was longing for, and I also found the flicker of fear that makes my heart race, my pupils dilate, and my core overheat. Much of my early exploration into kink involved fiction, written role-play, and fantasy. I co-wrote stories about wolves and girls, vampires and girls, tentacle monsters and girls... mind you, all the girls were adults. I'm just saying, I'm not into that kind of underage kink. With Karhu though, I began to implement some of those protocols into my day to day life. It wasn't easy, the distance again made connecting a challenge. But some kinky things can be done via video chat.


With Karhu I learned a great deal about the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of submission--of being owned, cherished, and dominated. I learned the pleasure of wearing a collar, and was amazed at the emotional response that simple accoutrement brought out in me... not just a change in my demeanor, but a sense of being treasured, sheltered and valued. Even now, thinking about the relationship I shared with Karhu, I tear up, and find a lump in my throat. We outgrew our intense Power Exchange dynamic and he released me from my collar so I could explore those things physically, in person, but I miss them with him. I miss him.


When Shepherd and I met, I learned very quickly, to my surprise, that I am one of those fortunate people who gets off on pain. I get the adrenaline, the endorphin rush, the orgasms. I used to think I had a very low tolerance for pain. Now I know with the right mindset, and with the right sadist, pain feeds me... it FEEEEEEEDS me!


I'm still fairly new on this twisted road of kink. If discovering I am kinky is the first step, I can't wait to discover more.

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