Thirty Days of Kink - Tying One On

by northerngreenpixie on flickr

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Today's post is a response to a question from Sir Poet. When I told him I was trying to come up with an idea for this last post, he offered several until we settled on this one. I can understand why he likes it: 

You've been told you're to be restrained - that is all. What image comes to mind? How do you envision yourself restrained/bound/etc? What position, with what materials (rope, silk, leather, iron, steel, etc.)? Any additional toys?

In my fantasies, I've been restrained in many different ways.   Probably one of the most incredible ways was introduced to me in a bit of long-distance-fantasy-role-play, by Maks.  In this fantasy, I was bound with scarlet thread--simple cotton thread, easily broken, except for my absolute desire to submit to him, and to surrender to the mental bonds that made that scarlet thread powerful enough to hold me down.  I have always loved this idea, and hope to try it out sometime, when the mood is right.

I've also entertained many a fantasy about shibari, with a moderately soft, scarlet rope, possibly made of silk.  I've mentioned more than once that I love the imagery, the art, of shibari, and would love to imagine myself so beautifully bound.  That someone or Someone would take the time to get the knots just so, and make the pattern of the ropes exactly right speaks volumes to me, and I would not pass up the experience if it came from someone I love and trust.

Since my trip to Shepherd's local dungeon, I've imagined being bound and locked away in that tiny cell located in the theme room.  The bars are cold iron, and the space is small.  I'm sure I can imagine that sort of delicious dread that would accompany such a bondage.  I have a feeling that before long, I'll find myself smack in the middle of just such a fantasy, and probably when I least expect it.

However, none of those fantasies are what I imagine in the scenario Sir Poet describes above.  Lately, when we are on the phone, or chatting online, and he is ready to say goodnight, I ask him to bind me, at least in our imaginations.  It helps me stay focused on his presence, and to rest feeling secure.  That type of bondage is what I imagine most often and here it is:

I am bound in soft red ribbon, three inches wide, and several yards long.  The ribbon binds my hands behind my back, and then is drawn upwards through the D-ring in my collar at the nape of my neck.  The other end of that ribbon is bound to Sir, tied 'round his wrist, or least, gripped tightly in his hand.  Even in the night, when the house is quiet and dark, I know that at the other end of that ribbon is the hand of my Sir, who cherishes me, and honors my submission.  I love imagining this.

I don't normally imagine additional toys, as my focus is on breathing in the moment, and feeling the connection to the one who binds me.   It's very much first a mental thing for me, and the physical reality is something I look forward to with great anticipation.

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And with that, I'm finished with the Thirty Days of Kink posts!  

I hope you enjoyed reading.  I hope to think of other ineresting topics in the future.  Keep reading, and I'll strive to give you something worth reading!

 

Thirty Days of Kink - What's Your Name, Little Girl?

by Robert S. Donovan on flickr

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?


I do, though the titles I have are adapted, to suit my life, my relationships.


I am Shepherd's girl.


Shepherd is Wolf. He's my protector and my predator. Shepherd does not hold my collar, because our lives do not allow us that arrangement. But there is a definite D/s dynamic in our relationship. So, when it came time to decide what he would call me, how he would introduce me to others, "girl" fit. It suits me, and it suits him.


In addition, Shepherd has been known to introduce me as his Poet. I'm perfectly happy with that, as well, because above all else, this is who I am -- a poet with ink-blood in my veins. Shepherd recognizes that, and honors me with this loving sobriquet.


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There is one other who has the right to give me a title at this point in my life. (other than "wife", of course. The honor of giving me this title belongs to Husband.) But husband does not share my love of BDSM, and so, in regards to this post, and answering this question, the one other is a young man whom I've known for a little over a year.


Poet and I met as part of a writing community, and his use of language pushes me, inspires me, and moves me. A year ago, when a budding relationship with a man who had just collared me ended abruptly, he was there being supportive, speaking honestly to me, being vulnerable. He offered me what I'll call a "long distance collar" then, but I needed space, time, and room to explore.


Since then, I've learned that where I am in my relationships with Husband and Shepherd leaves some gaps. I need structure, assignments, protocols, and mental / emotional dominance. I need to be owned, at least in part, by someone who will call my bluff, enforce consequences, and push my boundaries. Poet and I are negotiating the fine details of our agreement, but at this point, we know that I wear his collar. It fits the way I do polyamorous kink, and it fills the gaps I felt before. I'm not Poet's slave, not fully his submissive, because the limits to our relationship are in some ways severe. But he cherishes me, and owns me, and Sir Poet calls me his "little pet".


It suits me just fine.


For me, titles are important for my mental and emotional health. They communicate respect, affection, value, boundaries and place. The titles I wear may not carry the same meaning as they do with others, but I'm good with that.

Thirty Days of Kink - Life's No Dress Rehearsal

by Erix! on flickr

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Because I don't yet play publicly, I don't dress.  


I undress.


When Shepherd bids me strip, with that throaty, hungry growl, I am with every item of clothing removed moving into that mindset of being used for his pleasure.  Nothing of me stands between him and his prey, his food, his girl.  This is a significant transformation for me, and it results in amazing peace and subspace that feeds exactly what I need.


I do plan, at some point, to play in public.


I do plan to pay close attention to what I wear (or don't) in those scenes, too.


I mentioned in yesterday's post that I love laces and ribbons and corsets.  I fantasize about ripped stockings and smeared lipstick and torn skirts.  The clothing I wear for kinky play in public will represent my frame of mind -- being tied in ribbon, wrapped in silk and lace, or simply bound in a scarlet rope.  I want to be that visual prey, that sensual treat in every sense, and that includes what my partner sees.  I want to step into the magic, the fantasy, and lose myself completely... and I wanna take my big, bad wolf along with me.


So bring on the leather, the lace, the period costumes, the fishnet, the white cotton panties beneath my skirt...  


I want it all.

Thirty Days of Kink - Braided, Muddled, Tangled - It's All Me

by dj-dwayne on flickr

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

I think so, yes, though I've never really thought about it in those terms.  I'm an eclectic sort of person, meaning that I love baubles, trinkets, bits of string and ribbon, trifles really.  I collect them and they soak up meaning, the scent and taste and sounds of my life.  

I wear handmade jewelery that incorporates skeleton keys -- because I am submissive, keys have meaning for me.  I own mine, but I give them freely when I submit.  It's symbol of my choice.  Much of my jewelry also represents my polyamory.  I wear multiple keys with only one lock... because my heart has room for many who hold the keys.

I wear a simple black, elastic band around my wrist.  It was suggested by my Sadist, Shepherd.  He's 251 miles away, and he uses it to give me pain reminders.  It represents my  kink, and his role in my BDSM lifestyle.  It feeds my need for pain, when he's not near enough to administer it.

My love of ribbons, and ropes fuels my interest in shibari, and my love of corsets and stockings, and burlesque feeds my love of lingerie, and photography.  I'm at home behind the camera, and love the sexy, artistic shots of breasts, and leather, and bums and stockings and rope and ribbons and... pardon me while I drool.

My voracious hunger to give words to my erotic fantasies, the stories and poems I write, and the effect they have on others -- these are very much me.  And I write other things too, fiction, memoir, poems about motherhood and tea and blackbirds and autumn.  

In truth, kink is a part of who I am.  

It's part of the darkness in me.  

I'm discovering who that girl is, who got set aside when the demands of motherhood took over twenty five years ago.  I'm learning now about the woman she's become apart from the domestic bliss, and the motherhood, the wife-hood.  I am chasing the heart of that girl, that woman, and discovering every day what makes her tick, and shiver, and fly.  Kink is just as much a part of that journey as poly is -- part of me that was always there beneath the surface, and is finally free to come out.  

Of course my non-kink interests and my kinks overlap. 

They are all me.  

That's what who my journey is all about. 

Thirty Days of Kink - Distance, Technology and Mental Power Exchange

by Moe_ on flickr

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?


My introduction to BDSM began with online play. I've spoken of it this month, in previous posts, so I won't belabor the point here.

There are differences, yes, and if my experiences were limited to online play, I have a feeling I'd be unsatisfied. However, I still maintain a long distance, online and via phone relationship with a Dominant, I call him Poet, here on my blogs. It's the nature of relationships, that technology helps us to stay connected. I cannot connect with him in person, so many interactions I might like to have with him are not possible. But he does offer me protocols, structure, emotional support, and yes, even some physical, self-directed, orgasmic kink. (Read that as "directed-masturbation, and orgasm control.")

It's not perfect, but it does fill a need where it would be impossible to fill it otherwise. Besides, I also have a very powerful D/s dynamic with Shepherd, which we explore not only when we are together in person every eight weeks or so... but online and via the phone in the spaces between visits.

I know that there are those who scoff at online BDSM, who consider it baby's milk compared to the hard liquor of 'real-life' kinky interaction. I agree, to a point, that there's a great difference. But I also know that for me, personally, having both options works. And, I think I've made it clear this month too... I'm the only one who has the right to define my own lifestyle / kink. Everyone else is of course, perfectly free to define their own.

Can't we all just get along while we get off?

Thirty Days of Kink - What Happens in Submission, Stays...

by jontintinjordan on flickr

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?


I am not nearly as open as I would like to be, for several reasons.


Being both polyamorous and kinky, while not such a rare combination, is much more than many of my very conservative family members could deal with, if they knew.  Though it's more the polyamory that I think they'd have issue with.


Actually, though... I think generally most people would be much more interested in the  polyamory.  I'm not so interested in what others do in the bedroom... unless they are kinky friends, because there I find people are much more open and willing to share the gritty details.  


When I imagine talking about kink with my co-workers, I am not really sure I want to imagine... anything.  Maybe that's strange, but there it is.  April 21 is, according to Fetlife.com, Take Your Kink to Work Day.


I always wear my wrist band, the one my Sadist instructs me to snap on occasion, and any time I'm missing him.  The pain is a little gift from him, so far away.  The plan is to do that, and to wear the chain that now represents my collar.  (More about that at a later date... I'll give you a hint, though:  Poet.)  In addition, I'm hoping to come back from my next weekend with Shepherd (my Sadist) with some nice bruises.  They should last me a few days.  Those are the ways I plan to secretly take my kink to work.  


What they don't know won't get me fired.

Thirty Days of Kink - Mr. Right Now

by kirstyhall on flickr

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?


There is definitely a certain kind of man that feeds my need to submit.  


He is intelligent, clever and witty, with a sense of humor.  He also, is not intimidated by my own acumen.  He has a strength of character that indicates he will do as he says, be who he is; he is honor bound to do what is right, even when it means not allowing me to get away with any sort of foolishness or bratty business.  He communicates thoroughly and effectively, and does not waver easily, unless it is wise to do so.   He is just as concerned about my own character development and integrity, as he is his own.  He is confident in his dominance, has experience, and yet is still willing to learn.  He wants to explore the things I am curious about, as well as his own appetites.  He's not afraid to express his hunger, and is adept at inspiring that tingle of fear that I love.  


He knows his own limits, and is honest about them, not wanting to put me in any danger.  He is gentle, but firm.  He is also the type of man to be very practical and matter of fact when it comes to negotiations, agreements, protocols and structure. He knows when gentleness is more effective than strictness or sternness.  Underneath his tough exterior is the heart of a romantic, and he adores me.  It shows in the way he touches me tenderly at random moments, and in the way he speaks to me -- and about me -- to his friends.  He also requires that others respect me.  He makes me feel loved, wanted, respected and revered.


He does not play games, does not incite or put up with drama, he respects the gift of my submission, and my right to draw the line, wave the red flag, or re-negotiate, because he knows that for me to do so, is serious.  He respects the men in my life, my Husband, and others who have a place of importance.  He also honors my family, my children, even those who do not, cannot know of him, simply by encouraging me to be the best mother, daughter, sister, wife, and friend I can be.  He requires that others respect me as well.

Thirty Days of Kink - Interest(ing) Perspectives.

by jontintinjordan on flickr

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?


The more I explore, the more I want to explore.  I think that's not unusual. I'm learning that I don't have a true subbie heart.  It is not in my makeup to submit and serve.  I'm not a slave.  I do love to submit, and I do so by choice, because of the way it feeds me.  I am probably more a switch by nature than I want to admit.  But I do know I have no desire to switch roles.  I like my kink just the way it is for now, thank you.


I'm still learning, still discovering, still waking the sleeping beast inside of me, and finding out what it is that feeds her darkness.  I love the journey so far.

Thirty Days of Kink - Vanilla or Chocolate, What's the Difference?

by jontintinjordan on flickr

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I think the same things that are important in a vanilla relationship are important in a BDSM relationship:

Trust
Communication
Respect
Openness
Honesty

I'm not sure there's a lot of difference in this regard. However, I do think that depending on your kinky play, the potential for physical injury is increased, if the relationship is lacking in any of these areas -- especially communication and trust.

It's pretty simple. A healthy relationship means healthy kink.

Anything else is just dangerous.

And not in that tingly, dark and exciting, good way.

Be safe.