Out of Sorts and Sorting Out

I did not post a journal entry last night.  The truth is that I forgot about it completely.  I honestly have no excuse.

And that's okay. Here's why:

Sometimes a girl needs to be reminded that someone is watching, that someone cares enough to notice when she misses a deadline or crosses a boundary.  Come closer, so I can whisper a secret.  Sometimes a girl will purposely, or unconsciously cross such a line because somewhere inside her, there's a little girl who just needs to be told off and sorted out.  She needs to know her boundaries and her value have not changed.

I watched it all day yesterday with my grandson.  Things were hectic. Everyone was busy and he could sense it.  So he pushed.  He needed each of us in turn to assure him that he was secure, that the boundaries were still in place.

Babies do this intuitively.

For me, two very small, inconsequential things happened yesterday.  First, Shepherd texted me and said that our call on Tuesday might be squeezed by a very busy week that is outside the normal routine.  He is in "the country" all week, celebrating Thanksgiving with Shepherdess. It is just where he should be.

You know what? I can tell I've grown. I responded by telling him I understand.  It is that time of year. Now, I would much rather talk to him, but he knows that; and being grateful for every phone date can really change a girl's attitude.

The other thing that happened yesterday involves the fact that Husband is off in the woods this weekend, camping and hunting. We have been talking recently about text messages. We each send little notes to others we don't see every day, just to say "I'm thinking about you and I miss you." We agree that though we see each other nearly every day, it's nice to send the occasional note. Additionally, when we are apart, like we are this weekend, we always try to send each other a good night and good morning text.

I realize that he is in a remote area. I've camped there before. But there are several places in camp where you can get signal. He managed to text me to say they had arrived, and again yesterday evening to say they hadn't seen any deer.

No good night before bed and no good morning.

I find myself wondering if he has been in touch with anyone else he misses.

I will get over that. It's a very small thing. But I wonder whether the girl in me is feeling a little out of sorts, like my grandbaby -- just needing reassurance and sorting out.

Several months ago I recognized that I needed some boundaries that might seem childish.  I know that Husband and Shepherd get busy and they both do a great deal to express their love for me.

So, being poly and resourceful, I enlisted the help of a fellow writer and dear friend who was perfectly willing to ask me every day whether I have written in my journal, or done my affirmations, or scheduled time to myself.

He is very diligent to enforce those boundaries and provide consequences that make me feel noticed and secure.

So, today, when he realizes I didn't post a journal entry, I won't even balk at the consequences...

...too much.

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